The Constitutional Monarchy of Clocriestes is a massive, environmentally stunning nation, ruled by Gabe Caldiri with an even hand, and remarkable for its rum-swilling pirates, ubiquitous missile silos, and daily referendums. The hard-nosed, hard-working, devout population of 1.112 billion Clocriestesians have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large, corrupt government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Administration, and Law & Order. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Abbotsford. The average income tax rate is 69.0%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The all-consuming Clocriestesian economy, worth 98.7 trillion dollars a year, is led by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Cheese Exports, and Book Publishing. Black market activity is rampant. State-owned companies are common. Average income is 88,777 dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.5 times as much as the poorest.

The weather report is the prisoners' favourite programme, constipated-looking politicians are uptight about potty mouths, the nation's weary schoolchildren excel at sport but must count scores on their fingers, and citizens who refuse to vote are guillotined. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to a very well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Clocriestes's national animal is the Moose, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is THE KARTEL SMNN RELIGION.

Clocriestes is ranked 247,202^nd in the world and 5,515^th in The North Pacific for Most Cheerful Citizens, with 46.16 Percentage Of Water Glasses Perceived Half-Full.